Greetings! Welcome to the latest edition of The New Absurdist‘s ‘Siskel and Deadebert’ story reviews. As you may or may not know, Deadebert has been, well...dead for some time now. He can no longer give the thumbs up so we’ll have to do rotting appendages. I myself, Gene Siskel, am NOT dead, but I have infected my limbs with gangrene, so that I may also give a rotting appendage up or down. This week’s story is going to be 'The Lonesome Boot' by Claire L. Chopp.
Siskel: I love the feminization of the name 'Booty' -- 'Bootina'. Deadebert: Speaking cats is one thing -- a bi-lingual cat is quite another. Siskel: The ending is quite abrupt. Deadebert: Yes, the truncation is a bit disheartening. And things were finally starting to look up for Booty. Siskel: But why is there a fish in the bathtub? Deadebert: Or is there? Our only evidence of such is Booty's exclamation; there is no actual description of the scene. Siskel: Would Booty lie?
Deadebert: Well, I don't know. Siskel: And why would a hardboiled egg break? Deadebert: Who said all Easter eggs had to be hardboiled? Siskel: Well, no one I guess. Deadebert: You think you know everything, don't you? Siskel: No! Why all this anger? Deadebert: I’m jealous. I wish I could rot like you do. Living flesh just rots better. Siskel: Fuck off! You stink! Deadebert: Well your gangrenous legs aren't the most flowery air fresheners either!
Siskel: Whatever. How do you want to rate this story? Deadebert: I give this story one rotten appendage up. It's filled with emotion. When Booty consoles the Rubik's Cube, I was truly moved. Siskel: I was also sad at the loss of Bootina. Another definite rotten appendage up from me. Deadebert: Man, I really was diggin’ those hardboiled eggs as well. I could sure use one… Siskel: And then what, kill us all with your rank gas attack? You know you can’t be eating those hardboiled eggs again. You remember what happened last time. Deadebert: Alright. Fine! I didn’t want one anyways.