Greetings! Welcome to the latest edition of The New Absurdist‘s ‘Siskel and Deadebert’ story reviews. As you may or may not know, Deadebert has been, well...dead for some time now. He can no longer give the thumbs up so we’ll have to do rotting appendages. I myself, Gene Siskel, am NOT dead, but I have infected my limbs with gangrene, so that I may also give a rotting appendage up or down. This week’s story is going to be 'Blind Johnny Yellow Button' by AD Dawson.
Deadebert:Mr. Dawson is well renowned for his support of the working class. Siskel:Yes, he doesn't come off particularly as being brought up among royalty or other such snooty types. Deadebert:This story is a chronicle of a true blue collar worker, Blind Johnny. Siskel:Yes, it would seem the Blind Johnny is being shat upon severely by his employers as he slaves in near sweat shop conditions. Deadebert:What is the moral? Don't bother to work harder when you receive no recognition? I think not. Siskel:Absolutely not! Mr. Dawson has penned a truly inspiring tale. May the ill-sayers be d____d to H__l. Deadebert:What of the character named Mr. Dodsley? This is another reference to the name of his website -- The Dodsley Pages. Siskel:Perhaps AD Dawson is actually a pseudonym -- could Dodsley be his real name?
Deadebert:Or possibly it’s something entirely more obvious which we are both too stupid to see? Siskel:Yes, probably. Deadebert:One line that I find particularly inspiring -- "As soon as he felt the button drop into his palm he clasped his fingers shut - lest someone should steal it from him." How true that is. Siskel:Indeed, I assume always that others want to rape me of that which I have earned; and because of it I find myself always on the defense, ready to f__k them back even harder if need be. Deadebert:I'm finding that this week's column is taking on an extremely serious tone. Siskel:D__n right it is! It is as serious as a bash in the face with a shovel; it is as real as being tossed from the ladder you ascend, no less by the competition who nips at your heels all the while! Deadebert:Despite AD's numerous fantastic literary contributions to TNA, and especially this one, he has in fact been guilty of a singular sin. Siskel:Indeed -- that of the spawning of the selective raterman! The scourge of TNA!
Deadebert:Indeed, the thieving b_____d has always been foul, but he pushed it to the next level when he chose to steal the namesake of AD's true and great tale. Siskel:May he be d____d to H__l and have the force of 1000 shovels rain down upon his b____y head for all eternity! Deadebert:Back to the story at hand -- Johnny's blindness surely contributed to his eventual folly in trading away the obviously valuable yellow button. Siskel:Yes -- it proved to be valuable to 'the man' (his coworker), but I wonder at its real value when the shopkeeper refused to accept it for goods. Deadebert:I don't know myself...I do know however, that I felt Johnny's pain as he starved on the line, unable to eat. Siskel:And in the end Johnny is able to eat -- but seems to have traded away that which was more valuable then he understood -- or even that I understand! Deadebert:I'm afraid that I err as I write this review, and that the meaning is quite obvious but I am too ignorant to realize it. Siskel:That's a chance we're going to have to take. Deadebert:One rotten appendage up. Siskel:Same here.